I got migraines regularly as a kid. The pain would start as a pinch above my left eyebrow, travel to the back of my neck, and soon send out sparks of light into my vision, nausea into my belly, and, if I didn’t retreat to a dark room soon enough, puke onto our white carpet. …
Anxiety Isn’t the End of Bravery. It’s the Beginning.
Last November, I decided to create a new mini-course for my blog subscribers for the New Year. After meditating on what I’d write about, I settled on anxiety. Learning how to live well with anxiety has seriously changed my life. It’s like learning how to turn off a malfunctioning fire alarm. The siren still goes off …
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Focus on the Exhale
When my husband Dyami and I were first dating, he said something about breathing that changed my life. His father’s a musician and music teacher. Driving down the freeway that day, Dyami mentioned his dad taught voice lessons occasionally too. “I hated voice lessons,” I said. I took them on and off through childhood, learning …
When You Forget How to Cry
Do you struggle to cry? Do you stand above your life sometimes at crucial moments and feel as if the emotions you’re feeling are like water running below you, while you’re up on a bridge, watching them rush away? And you think, Wait, shouldn’t I feel like crying right now? Someone please tell me I’m …
I’m Thankful for My Grief About the Election: For The Mudroom
It would be so much easier to bear a Trump presidency if I hadn’t learned about structural racism. Easier if I’d avoided stories from my black and brown friends about micro-aggressions, ignored history, police violence, and daily grief. Easier to stay positive if I hadn’t figured out exactly how sexual assault happened in my high …
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3 Questions to Simplify Holiday Dysfunction: For No Sidebar
My parents, two siblings and I haven’t eaten Thanksgiving dinner together since I was in elementary school, about three decades ago. The dysfunction in our family is deep and old. I’d like my family holidays to be easy. But this late in the game, I’m not holding my breath. However, even if easy isn’t possible, simple …
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When Holidays Stress You Out: For The Mudroom
You know what my idea of a holiday is? A normal day. Laundry, hanging with my kids, and, by 9:30 pm, watching a murder mystery with my husband while I eat raisin bran. Even better: doing all that in slippers. Normal days are easy. On a normal day, I have a routine. I know what’s …
You Can Be Weirdly Whole in the Worst Relationships
I’m acquainted with two families right now with bad marriages. What makes me ache is that (at least from my very outside, limited perspective), I don’t think there’s a villain in either situation. I see four lovely people who love God and want to love each other well; thoughtful, awesome people who happen to be …
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Empathy Is a Superpower
Every so often, I get into an awkward discussion about race with other people, usually white people. Look, race is a tricky subject, and so is politics. It’s hard to hear each other well when the stakes are high. But I’ve noticed a pattern about some of the responses I get when I talk about …
I Confess: Reading Stresses Me Out
Okay, so this is weird. Reading stresses me out. It’s weird on so many levels. One: Reading is one of my favorite things to do. Two: I was an English major. Three: I read a lot. Conclusion: Weird. Maybe saying “reading” stresses me out isn’t specific enough. So let’s dig deeper. I get stressed that …
For the one who feels incompetent
Can I let you in on a secret? When I try something new, I always assume I’m incapable of it. For example: after college, I worked as a technical writer for a consulting company. A local manufacturing facility wanted us to create a small- to medium-sized website for one of their departments. My boss told them I’d be …
Holy Curiosity About Fear: For Cara Meredith
The other day, one of my kids got upset about some schoolwork in her least-favorite subject. “You can do it,” I told her. She stared at me. I didn’t blame her. Talk is cheap. So I posed a different question. “What’s the worst-case scenario if you fail?” I asked. She told me, her eyes worried. …
Struggle With Self-Acceptance? Consider This.
Do you ever struggle with self-loathing? Have you noticed it’s impossible to argue yourself out of it? You know your hatred of your thighs or your social anxiety or mental health or frailties isn’t healthy. You remind yourself of better thought patterns and chide yourself to be brave. And then you keep on clinging to the irrational, mean-spirited …
Being a Beginner is Okay
Do you lie awake at night, worried that you’ve missed the mark in your life? Do you get frustrated with yourself about dealing with the same personal failure, again and again? Do you know if you weren’t so broken in x, y, or z areas of your life, you’d be much more successful? Are you …
A Back-to-School Sanity Check
Back when I had preschoolers, I used to get all judgy about overscheduling. People throw their children into too many activities, I sniffed. Those poor kids. And then my daughters hit elementary school and wham, I realized how exponential family time commitments were. If we say yes to two things, suddenly our calendar feels overfull. It’s incredibly hard …
The Ministry of My Incompetence
The amazing DL Mayfield’s book, Assimilate or Go Home, releases next week, and I am SO EXCITED. I wanted to participate in her celebration of the book’s themes and of her work. Anyway, I’ve started to read the book; it’s a must for anyone who wants to know who their neighbor is, and how to …
Do You Wish You Could Change Your Story?
In April, my family and I went to New York City for a week. It was pretty epic. We went to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, clambered over giant boulders in Central Park, ate amazing ramen, pizza, and pastries, and (so lucky) we saw Matilda on Broadway. I loved Roald Dahl growing up, …
What I Got Wrong About Women and Anger: At ForHer
Lately, I find it hard to avoid getting angry. On Facebook, I watch as the posts and comments I scroll through give off sparks with their vitriol. The chasm of understanding dividing me from those I disagree with feels achingly wide. And I know that I’m not the only one experiencing this gap, and the …
For the One Who Procrastinates
At least once a week, someone I know remarks how organized I am. How tidy my house, how spotless my pantry, how early I make deadline, how on the ball I am. I wish I were that organized, women tell me. I should be more like you. I never really know how to respond to …
How To Seek A Tiny Bit Of Beauty Right Now: For SheLoves
Almost once a month in my twenties, I’d have a sickening crying jag, where my self-worth plunged into the toilet. If I’d been given a wish back then, I would have crumpled myself up like dirty Kleenex and demanded God start over. I want to be someone else, I’d think. I couldn’t have even told you why. …
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3 Questions for Your Best “Do Nothing” Day: For No Sidebar
It was the knot in my stomach that convinced me to rest. I’d started a blog a year before I noticed the knot. “Starting a blog” is code for “taking my decades-long dream of becoming an author seriously.” A year after I took the plunge, I’d made significant progress online. I felt so proud of …
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Why Simplicity Will Make You Braver
At the time, I couldn’t tell why staying home filled me with so much fear. I had two little kids. I homeschooled. Most mornings, about ten am, I started getting jittery, bored, and cranky. Caring for little kids is tiring. By mid-morning I desperately needed a break. So I took my girls on an outing to …
Does Healing Never Leave a Scar?
Hey, all, I’m taking my annual summer break from blogging, and while I’m gone, I’m re-running some of my favorites from my archives. I’ll be back after the Fourth with new posts. Have a happy June! I almost didn’t read Darryl Wein’s story. It was the photo of his scars on the first page that made …
God Calls Us to Do More than Change Our Perspective
The other day in the car, I heard a brief devotional about a woman struggling with grouchiness on a dull grey Monday. She saw her child looking at the drizzle outside with wonder. The child’s awe allowed the speaker to shift perspective and change her attitude about her surroundings. I think there was truth there. …
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