Last weekend, I sent my daughters to Sunday school at church. It’s the same church where my best friend was raped repeatedly in high school. Our family begins worship together. The head pastor—not the one who was there, intentionally blind, when our youth pastor violated my friend—raises a hand of blessing over the kids. “You …
When doing the right thing feels like betrayal: for SheLoves
A few months before I told on my sister, I paged through the current Teen Magazine.There was an article about anorexia and bulimia, and what to do if you—or someone you loved—suffered from them. Tell, the article said. Tell. My sister, Katie, had gotten the stomach flu over Christmas. Except I noticed, sharing a bathroom with her, …
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Four Questions that Saved My Faith
I used to be afraid of asking questions about my faith. I avoided reading up controversial topics because the arguments might chip away at beliefs. I tried not to notice my cynicism or bitterness about Christian media or church services or spiritual practices. The problem was that the longer I ignored my questions, the weaker …
I am trying to forgive my grandmother. Here’s why.
(Trigger warning—sexual abuse) My grandmother is slight, white-haired, slow to speak, and nearly lost to dementia. For a year or so now, she has been in a nursing home, unwillingly. Years ago when I would visit, she would serve me breakfast: a bowl of fresh home-grown raspberries in a white bowl, or toast with homemade freezer jam that …
Wish Being Authentically Yourself Were Effortless?
Not that long ago, I paged through a lovely online shop of hand-lettered artwork. Bible verses. Pithy phrases. Famous quotes. They’re all designed to make you feel uplifted and brave. Instead, I felt horribly small. I dabble in calligraphy. I was obsessed with it as a kid, and have hand-lettered two books because I love making words …
When Success Feels Like Failure
The day I met Leonardo DiCaprio, I was on a shoot for a Rice Krispies commercial. The director faced me as I sat on some steps in front of some LA high rise. It was the tenth or eleventh take, and I already knew, with a pit in my stomach, that I was not pleasing …
Storyteller, Question-Weaver
The idea of asking my sister the question fills me with ice. Katie’s voice is cheerful, unaware of my distress. Her phone crackles a bit in my ear as she tells me about the trip she and her family are planning to the Dominican Republic. She’s ready to escape the Detroit winter. “I’m gonna go …
The privilege of being small and beloved
I spent my childhood hoping to make it big. I did pretty well. At age 12, I starred in a professional production of Annie in Phoenix, moving an hour away from my home in Tucson for the run of the show, and belting out Tomorrow in front of thousands of people. A year later, I came across the play’s …
the spirituality of housework
For a long time, I felt ashamed of how routine my faith was. I felt ashamed that I could say a prayer without thinking about it too much, or read the Bible without deep study, or be in a worship service without soul transformation. After I had kids, it only got worse. I spent most of my …
Audacious Goals Are Rocket Ships That Expand Your Universe
I’m reviewing goals from this year. I’ll be honest: on paper, the my results don’t look good. I set about twenty overarching goals. Out of those twenty goals, I’m still actively pursuing three or four. In school, 15% completion would not a good GPA make. So you would think I’d feel a little chagrined about goals …
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Three questions to ask before you do something scary
Ever since I started a website about saying ‘yes’ to things, I’ve been trying to take intentional risks. But as I practice being brave in the everyday, I’ve realized something important. Fears are not equal-opportunity. Years ago, I pushed past fears about writing, and felt like I’d put myself through a meat-grinder. Honestly, the fallout hamstrung my …
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It’s darker and more beautiful to start with the nothingness inside: One Woman’s Yes with Esther Emery
Oh, guys, you’re in for a treat. Esther Emery chatted with me for an hour about faith, and motherhood, and realizing she’s not a porcelain person, and I was blessed. I think you will be too. Her writing and life always remind me that I have choices. About everything. Which is heady and wonderful and terrifying and bold. Won’t you …
Bill Cosby, Needles, Haystacks and Why Rape Culture Is Old News
[trigger warning: rape and sexual assault] Let’s not be to quick to dismiss Bill Cosby as an evil person, or shove him, eyes averted, in a box labeled ‘psychopath’. Instead of casting him into the outer darkness, let’s take a deep look in his eyes and see if there’s not a mirror there. Not reflecting …
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You don’t look like sisters: for the SheLoves synchroblog
“That’s funny—you don’t look like sisters,” the woman said. My sister Katie and I were facing away from the ocean and making chit-chat with this stranger whose kids played with mine. Behind us, my daughters were digging a hole for themselves, the chilly Pacific saltwater splashing over their chubby legs. I looked at my sister, and …
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What Creative Work Taught Me About the Bible
I have read the Bible in church and youth group and para-church ministries. I’ve done Bible seminars and one-day trainings and workbooks. I’ve read the Word in another language and culture, read the whole shebang a handful of times. I’ve done word studies and topic studies and inductive studies and Lectio Divina. But the longer …
God gives us everything for a life of holiness: One Woman’s Yes with Natasha Sistrunk Robinson
I’ve been inspired by Natasha Sistrunk Robinson’s thoughts on faith and mentoring for a while now–and am so honored to have had her join me for a week on mentoring at SheLoves. She graciously agreed to share some more about her journey towards mentoring with us here. I’m convinced that our journeys towards each other–intentional, brave, …
When my scars scare the hell out of me
I almost didn’t read Darryl Wein’s story. It was the photo on the first page that made me want to flip past it. Weins suffered severe burns to his face when he was electrocuted. In the picture, his skin looked like had melted on the right side, his eye and mouth sliding down his face like …
The thing you fear might save your life
As a kid, I hated writing. In sixth grade, my teacher called in my mom for a parent-teacher conference over the state of my journal. Mrs. Kimmerling required a page a day. There was a space above for drawing a picture, and a space below for writing anything you wanted. We were graded on the …
When ‘nothing’ happens: Why I’m a feminist
This post was inspired by Suzannah Paul and the Faith Feminisms synchroblog. Thanks to the organizers for creating space to share. It has taken a long time for me to understand all the reasons why I am a feminist. I am a feminist because my best friend in high school was sexually abused by our youth pastor. I …
There’s power in naming the truth: for SheLoves Magazine
Recently, I blithely told one of my friends from high school that my experience in our church youth group had been largely positive. Here’s why I felt that way: the group was my first time in Christian fellowship. I served in leadership for three years, was there for almost every event, made a tight group …
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Life Is Process, Not Product
I like checking things off lists. Dishes? Check. Returning emails? Check. Meeting goals? Check. There’s a cleanliness to a completed task, a finished goal, a project brought to fruition. But I’m realizing that the most important things in my life can’t be checked off. Because there isn’t a point where they’re done, or finished. They …
When You’re Sure You’re a Terrible Christian
“I am not the Christian I want to be.” I typed the words on my computer, then I stared at them for a minute. For my hammering heart and the cold sweat I felt slinking down my arms, one would think I were confessing to some kind of felony. No: thought crimes were all I …
Emily Dickinson, the Bible, and me
THE BIBLE is an antique volume Written by faded men, At the suggestion of Holy Spectres— Subjects—Bethlehem— Eden—the ancient Homestead— Satan—the Brigadier, Judas—the great Defaulter, David—the Troubadour. Sin—a distinguished Precipice Others must resist, Boys that “believe” Are very lonesome— Other boys are “lost.” Had but the tale a warbling Teller All the boys would come— …
Five reasons church leaders must speak up about sexual abuse
Over the weekend, the #yesallwomen hashtag exploded around the Internet. CNN reports more than a million tweets (and counting) have expressed solidarity for the women that endure harassment, abuse, sexism and sexual assault on a daily basis in our world. And—much to our dismay—in the church. It might be easy to look at the hashtags and think …
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