Let’s start out with a confession: Twitter terrifies me. I got my handle a few years ago. The day my friend Melissa explained to me how she manages her twitter account, makes lists, what she posts, and what a hashtag is, my heart thudded in my chest, dully as I listened. It’ll get easier, I …
Trusting the Church After Abuse
Last weekend, I sent my daughters to Sunday school at church. It’s the same church where my best friend was raped repeatedly in high school. Our family begins worship together. The head pastor—not the one who was there, intentionally blind, when our youth pastor violated my friend—raises a hand of blessing over the kids. “You …
I Did Not Want to Go to My Grandmother’s Funeral for The Mudroom
The night my already-sick grandma took a turn for the worse, my husband asked if I thought I’d go to her funeral. “Oh, hell no,” I said, without thinking. He looked startled, there in our bathroom. We were getting ready for bed, letting our bodies slow down for the end of the day. But now my heart …
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Abusers are people too
Trigger warning: sexual abuse When I was a junior in college, my mom called with bad news. “Heather,” she said, “Someone made allegations about [my youth pastor’s name]. She said he molested her.” My first reaction? Complete disbelief. Our youth pastor had inspired both love and disdain in our church. His whole tenure, various leaders …
I am trying to forgive my grandmother. Here’s why.
(Trigger warning—sexual abuse) My grandmother is slight, white-haired, slow to speak, and nearly lost to dementia. For a year or so now, she has been in a nursing home, unwillingly. Years ago when I would visit, she would serve me breakfast: a bowl of fresh home-grown raspberries in a white bowl, or toast with homemade freezer jam that …
Tearing apart my Bible for SheLoves Magazine
When I was little, I would trail my mom to the fabric store nearly every month. It was middling in my list of errands: no toys, but the pattern books did provide some pre-Pinterest craft browsing. My mom would finger washable silk or ultra-suede, and I’d flip pages, trying to be patient. Once she decided, we’d …
When books (or anything) cause you anxiety
Can I make a really weird confession to you? I love books. And sometimes I feel anxiety about them. I was an English major, and I’m a writer. My love of books is a huge part of why I started homeschooling. We check out dozens of books at a time from the library. We are …
When Asking a Simple Question Tears Open Your Heart
“Wait, I didn’t know you had a brother and sister,” Renee said. We were in my pool. The aqua color reflected the sky canopy overhead. It was Tucson hot, not as hot as Phoenix hot, but hot enough. On the radio in summer, they counted the number of days over one hundred degrees, and it …
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in your face love: #wordmadeart
Generally, as an artist, if the idea of creating something makes you want to weep, it is golden and you must immediately do it. This was one of those projects. The prompt was to use pop-up book techniques to transform one of the Bible pages. My parents brought back some old photos from my grandma’s house. Among …
You Can Change for the Better In an Instant
“Look, Mama,” my youngest said. I was at my desk, a few feet from our dining table. Both my daughters were busy with markers and colored pencils; stray copy paper and card stock littered the shining surface. I pressed send on my email, then got up and walked over to her. And almost gasped with surprise. …
Move as if the hounds of hell are after you–for SheLoves Magazine
When I walk long distances, I pay a price. It’s a relatively minor one: an ache in my hip that sends tentacles down to my knee. It’s an annoyance, mostly. Sometimes it makes it hard to fall asleep. I feel it after I take an hour’s walk on the beach on Sunday mornings, toes sinking …
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Bill Cosby, Needles, Haystacks and Why Rape Culture Is Old News
[trigger warning: rape and sexual assault] Let’s not be to quick to dismiss Bill Cosby as an evil person, or shove him, eyes averted, in a box labeled ‘psychopath’. Instead of casting him into the outer darkness, let’s take a deep look in his eyes and see if there’s not a mirror there. Not reflecting …
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A tale of two Bibles
When I need a Bible, I reach for my husband’s. It’s leather-bound with his name embossed on the front. His parents gave it to him. Tucked inside is a fabric cross his mom needle-pointed with a few spindly pink irises. Parts of the spine are cracked and peeling off glossy finish, and it has a …
“Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History” Once Shamed Me
The slogan caught my eye as I turned a corner inside the Humanities building: “Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History.” Later, I’d discover that Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, the writer who penned the phrase, had done so almost off-hand, in an obscure work about Puritan funeral services. I’d learn that it became a feminist catchphrase without her …
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When listening breaks our white hearts: for SheLoves Magazine
A few weeks ago, a young man approached me in church to pass the peace. In the Spanish-language church I attend, this means moving around the room, trying to wish others the peace of Christ and shake hands with as many people as possible. This brother in Christ was ed in a baggy t-shirt, long …
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You don’t look like sisters: for the SheLoves synchroblog
“That’s funny—you don’t look like sisters,” the woman said. My sister Katie and I were facing away from the ocean and making chit-chat with this stranger whose kids played with mine. Behind us, my daughters were digging a hole for themselves, the chilly Pacific saltwater splashing over their chubby legs. I looked at my sister, and …
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Jesus Isn’t Trying to Numb You
About a year ago, Rachel Held Evans wrote “The scandal of the evangelical heart.” She talked about how the tight theological arguments that exalt the genocide and violence of the Bible almost “scared her out of the Church.” Richard Beck calls this “orthodox alexithymia”. We completely uncouple our emotions from our theology. We expect ourselves …
Scars for Mary Demuth
Mary DeMuth asked if she could feature last week’s post about owning our scars on her site. If you don’t follow Mary, she writes about living uncaged each day. Her testimony about surviving and healing after sexual abuse always rocks my world. And I’m so grateful that she uses her platform to champion abuse victims in the …
God gives us everything for a life of holiness: One Woman’s Yes with Natasha Sistrunk Robinson
I’ve been inspired by Natasha Sistrunk Robinson’s thoughts on faith and mentoring for a while now–and am so honored to have had her join me for a week on mentoring at SheLoves. She graciously agreed to share some more about her journey towards mentoring with us here. I’m convinced that our journeys towards each other–intentional, brave, …
When ‘nothing’ happens: Why I’m a feminist
This post was inspired by Suzannah Paul and the Faith Feminisms synchroblog. Thanks to the organizers for creating space to share. It has taken a long time for me to understand all the reasons why I am a feminist. I am a feminist because my best friend in high school was sexually abused by our youth pastor. I …
There’s power in naming the truth: for SheLoves Magazine
Recently, I blithely told one of my friends from high school that my experience in our church youth group had been largely positive. Here’s why I felt that way: the group was my first time in Christian fellowship. I served in leadership for three years, was there for almost every event, made a tight group …
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On giving up: why I hate confessing my sins
For a long time, I thought the reason I didn’t like confession was because facing the things I’ve done wrong during the day–an attitude of entitlement, say, or sheer impatience with my family, or arrogance and vanity–well, it’s painful. It’s like the moment when my daughters come screaming to me with a skinned knee, all …
Five reasons church leaders must speak up about sexual abuse
Over the weekend, the #yesallwomen hashtag exploded around the Internet. CNN reports more than a million tweets (and counting) have expressed solidarity for the women that endure harassment, abuse, sexism and sexual assault on a daily basis in our world. And—much to our dismay—in the church. It might be easy to look at the hashtags and think …
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The Hospitality of Greetings
The instructions for passing the peace are pretty clear—and even written in the bulletin: un saludo cordial, mirando a los ojos. Which means, “a cordial greeting, looking into each others eyes.” My first time at the Spanish-language service at my church, I thought I understood those instructions. I stood up and shook hands with the …